File Buz

On Your Left! Its Bike to Work Week

Good morning.

Its officially Bike to Work Week, so if youre lucky enough to be among the roughly %.08 of Americans who A) have a bike; and 2) have a job, this is your chance to shine!

Thats right, as counterintuitive as it may seem you really can use that two-wheeled vehicle with the pedals as a means of transport, and to that end the New York Times spoke to some dumb bike blogger about it:


Eben Weiss, the author of the blog Bike Snob NYC, offered some advice for the city: Institute a Drive to Work Week.

“That way, people can see how wildly impractical it is to drive to work compared to biking.”

Smug remarks aside, he said, “Riding in the city is freedom from traffic, timetables and transit delays.”

Oh, Im so clever--but did I actually say "biking?"

Oy.  Ive become everything I once despised.

Anyway, I was pleased to see the aforementioned piece is already attracting the usual brand of insightful bike-related commentary:

Lifelong New Yorker 

Bloomberg never should have started the CitiBike program without first impressing on would-be cyclists that the traffic laws apply to them too. They blow red lights, go against traffic and - on the fancy bike lanes on Queens Blvd. - completely ignore the helpful arrow on the ground and still go against traffic. Way too many of them are an ignorant and/or arrogant menace. I know this from daily experience and, I was knocked down by one while I was crossing in the crosswalk with the light in my favor.

Instead of complaining about cyclists, Lifelong New Yorker and Full-Time Imbecile should realize that he (or she, but lets just say "he") is a statistical anomaly in that he has not yet been killed by a driver on Queens Boulevard.

Meanwhile, via the aforementioned article, apparently the NYPD is observing Bike To Work Week with a "targeted initiative" to protect cyclists:


“This targeted initiative will make sure New Yorkers on bikes have clear bike lanes and safe conditions as more and more people take to the streets,” Mayor de Blasio said in a statement.

Hey, this sounds great in theory, but why do I suspect that as this directive makes its way down the chain of command it will go from "make sure New Yorkers on bikes have clear bike lanes" to "ticket cyclists for not riding in bike lanes"?

Officers from all 77 city precincts will be directed to focus on drivers who are committing traffic violations that endanger bicyclists. In addition, NYPD traffic enforcement agents will focus on parking violations most associated with bicycle accidents, like parking in a bike lane, double parking or parking in a No Standing zone.

Yep, theres that "A" word again.  Are they really "bicycle accidents" if theyre caused by drivers putting their cars where they dont belong?  After all, when I step on one of my kids Legos, I dont consider that a "dad accident."  I call it a deliberate attack on the authority and physical well-being of the paterfamilias, and youd better believe I punish them accordingly.

Speaking of bike lanes and police, heres a member of the latter driving into a San Francisco cyclist as he rides his bicycle in an extremely awkwardly-situated example of the former:



Yesterday was not a pleasant Bike To Work Day for not one but two downtown cyclists.

Hoodline reader Tim Doyle, 48, was struck by a police car at 5:45pm while riding southbound on Second at Mission—in the streets recently installed bike lane.

A video of the collision that surfaced on YouTube today shows the SFPD vehicle pull into the right-hand turn lane behind another vehicle at the Second and Mission intersection. The squad car then pulled to the left into the bike lane and struck Doyle, throwing him and the bike to the ground.

Though this being San Francisco, I suspect this may all be part of an elaborate viral marketing campaign:

The video above was published on YouTube by Nexar, which recently-launched a free iPhone dashcam app for vehicles. With the companys mission to "rid the world of car accidents" and help drivers "stay protected on the road and avoid getting into tough spots," the dashcam begins recording as soon as the driver suddenly hits the brake, or initiates the app with a tap or voice command. 

Thank you Silicon Valley for your ceaseless efforts on the part of motorists everywhere.

As for that awkwardly-placed bike lane, to find worse youd have to travel all the way to Brisbane, Australia, where they just installed this:



Seems to me the island should be buffering the bike lane and not the other way around.  Maybe installing bike lanes in mirror image is an Australian thing, like how their toilets flush backwards.  By the way, heres some background on the above bike lane via the reader who forwarded it:

A couple of years a go Danish university student Rebekka Meyer, studying at University of Queensland was riding her bike to uni on Annerley Road when she stopped at the traffic lights.  When the lights turned green she was run over by a truck, killing her. 

There was a Coroners inquiry into the accident and one of the recommendations was for separate infrastructure.

Today Brisbane City Council created this in the area where the accident occurred.

Nicely done.

By the way, as you may recall from this very blog, Brisbane is the same place where residents are tormented by Freds discussing their sexual exploits:


FOUL-mouthed cyclists bragging about their bedroom exploits have sparked so many complaints from fed-up residents a councillor wants "keep quiet" signs erected along a popular cycling route.

Once again, its important to note that Freds have nonexistent sex lives and the extent of their "bedroom exploits" is the pre-ride application of chamois cream, so this is clearly a group of people with some delicate sensibilities indeed.

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On Your Left! Blog Post Coming Through!!!

Darn mountain bikers!  Remember last year when one burned his toilet paper and charred like half of Idaho?  Well now another one has apparently set fire to California (and their Cousin Eddie-like neighbor Nevada) due to a single instance of pedal strike:


“The cause of the Rock Creek fire that started on August 5th has been determined. Investigators have concluded that the fire was started from a bicycle pedal strike to a rock. Conclusive evidence was found in the fire origin area that was on the Lower Rock Creek mountain bike trail. A fire ignition from this type of trigger is a testament to how dry the area is right now. All residents and visitors are asked to be extremely careful with anything that may cause a fire while you are out in the forest,” the post read.

Really though?  Really?  I dunno, sounds far-fetched to me.  But who am I to argue with a confusing cheese metaphor?

Speaking on behalf of the Inyo National Forest, fire prevention technician Kirstie Butler told BikeRadar that, while the exact cause of many forest fires go unresolved, the evidence in this instance was definitive.

“All the holes in the Swiss cheese lined up perfectly,” Butler said.

Still, I cant help but wonder if shes laying it on a bit too thick, like Mario Cipollini slathering his partner with Camembert at his notorious annual "festivo de quattro formaggi" bacchanal:

According to Butler, while this may seem like an incredibly unlikely chain of events, the US Forest Service has evidence that this has happened before. She notes that sparks from chainsaws and lawn mowers are frequent causes of wildfires. To date, there have been 4,084 wildfires in California, burning a total of 150,498 acres in 2016.

Okay.  Quiz time.  Which of these does not use an internal combustion engine?

1)


2)


3)


Well at least Im assuming #1 and #2 use internal combustion engines.  I live in an apartment building in New York City, what do I know?  Maybe this stuff has gone green now and runs on electricity and kitten farts.  Anyway, Im sure if Im wrong Ill never hear the end of it from from the Lawn Care Freds:



And for that matter I dont know the first thing about forest fires either, so I should probably shut up about it.  However, Im a blogger, and when has ignorance regarding a certain topic ever stopped me before?

Nevertheless, the danger here is that this could serve as a pretense to ban mountain biking from the area, but fire expert and cheese enthusiast Butler assures us this is not the case:

Butler, who is a mountain biker and has frequently ridden the Lower Rock Creek Trail, doesn’t believe the incident will result in trail closures to mountain bikers, nor does she view mountain bikers as more of a fire hazard than any other trail user group.

“This is not about pointing fingers; we know it wasn’t done maliciously. We understand that mountain biking is a popular activity and we’re not trying to say that this is a reason to stop. It’s just something to be aware of,” said Butler.

Though if they could find a way to pin this all on e-MTBs and ban those Id say that would be a win-win for pretty much everybody--except maybe this guy:


Actually, if they could pin it all on that guy so much the better.

In the meantime, expect IMBA to recommend that mountain bikers in fire-prone areas ride with oven mitts over their feet.

As for me, yesterday afternoon I headed out for a ride on my Milwaukee:


Im pleased to report I set absolutely nothing on fire, and that includes the Strava leaderboard, because not only am I slow as warm Camembert, but I also dont use Strava.  Indeed, Im proud of being slow.  Plus, if I rode quickly Id miss out on the local fauna:


Shortly thereafter I came to this raging stream.  "Hey beaver, why dontcha chew me up a nice dam?," I shouted at the nearby varmint:


Of course I didnt realize that at the time, and I thought he was just being lazy.  Fortunately though after a couple of hours I finally mustered up the courage to cross the stream myself:


In case youre wondering, I shouldered the bike and used a staff I whittled from a tree branch to check the depth.

For awhile after that all was going well.  I stopped at a café and spent like $47 on an iced coffee and a gluten-free cookie.  Then I headed over to the paved bike path for the return trip:


"On your left!," announced a voice from behind, and I turned as a Fred on a fancy new carbon bicycle passed me, another rider on an old metal bike glued fast to his wheel.  As they continued on their way I wondered why this intrusive and distracting announcement was even necessary.  After all, I was already all the way to the right and traveling in a straight line.  Furthermore, the bike path was both amply wide and totally empty.  So why not just pass me in silence?

No sooner had I completed this thought then there came another "On your left."  This time it was a group of five riders.  Already annoyed from the last encounter, I was now doubly so, and to make matters worse another rider in the very same group also said "On your left" to me as they passed:


This was three "On your lefts" now in about as many minutes.  Worst of all, after passing me they just kind of sat there in front of me, so my only choices were to either pass them back or stop and fire off some angry tweets about Freds who say "On your left" to put some distance between us.

I chose the latter.

Even so, I passed them two more times: once when they were stopped for a group chat, and again as they were loading their bikes onto the trunk racks of their cars.

I also passed this couch:


"On your left!," I did not say to it.  Why?  Because it was already on the right and it was behaving perfectly predictably.  You know, just like I had been when all these people said "On your left" to me.

I mean really, if you need to pass just pass.  And if you think the person ahead of you needs to know youre coming because theyre swerving or something, sure, go ahead alert them--but try to be more polite about it.  For example, why not work in an "Excuse me?"  You really shouldnt address people differently on a bike then you do on foot.  Even a simple "Passing on your left" can make a world of difference.  Do you say "On your left" to your fellow shoppers when youre pushing your shopping cart down the produce aisle at the supermarket?  Of course not.  You sweeten it up a little.  (But not too much.  "Excuse me, do you mind if I get a look at those melons?" can easily be misinterpreted in certain situations.)  Its those three monosyllabic words alone that can be so infuriating.  Im sure Martin Amis would explain that its because "On your left" is a molossus, and those three stressed syllables impart a sense of urgency and unrest.

Perhaps most vexing of all though was this sign:


Lets have a look at this turn thats so hazardous it requires dismounting your bicycle.  First you approach it like so:


Then it goes this way:


Then its completely straight for miles:


Im lucky to be alive.
Lastly, a reader by the name of Don alerted me to this video, which contains language that is NSFW (unless you work in a cursing factory):



Duuude!  Hes the SoCal Keith Maddox!

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