File Buz

There was one more thing I wanted to say about Mass Effect (to accompany my earlier articles on the title). After heavy play of the second and third games in the series, I want to propose a rule to all game designers from now until forever ...

I think this is a reasonable rule of thumb. If youre going to expect someone to spend 40 hours in your fantasy world, you dont want them going "GAHHHH!!!" every time they look at the screen.

Why do I bring it up?

Well, in Mass Effect, the main spectrum for your characters moral choices is between Paragon (nice, lawful good, goody-two-shoes) and Renegade (harsh, Bad Cop, Patton-type). Note that this is not Good vs. Evil! Youre always good. Its just whether you are nice-good or cranky-good.

But there is a key difference between the two paths. If you are a Paragon, you stick with the nice, normal face you made in character creation. However, if you choose the Renegade dialogue options, your face will look like this ...

AHHHH! GHHAHHHH! WTF!?!?!?

Thats right. When playing Mass Effect, you better be as polite to as many people as you can, if you dont want to look like a hideous mutant leperzombie whose face is peeling off in glowing sheets.

(Note that, in both Mass Effect 2 and 3, you can spend resources to remove the leperface effect. While BioWare likes to pretend it treats both moral choices equally, this sort of gives the game away. They are actively punishing you for being rude. If you doubt this, remember: A Paragon player cant spend resources to get the zombie look. It only works the other way round.)

Mass Effect is known for its in-game romances. Halfway through Mass Effect 3, for example, your hot, easy secretary comes to your quarters to use your shower and totally tries to bang you. (Warning: The previous sentence contained a spoiler!) Bioware, please please please, in future games make it so I dont feel sorry for anyone trying to sleep with my character. When she makes her move, I, as a player, dont want be saying:

"What are you DOING? Havent you looked at me? Havent you seen my FACE? Sure, I have a working shower! Now run! RUN! IM A MONSTERRRRR!"

Look. These things are basically adolescent wish fulfillment. I dont need to have a really gross face in my fantasy world. Ive had enough of that in my actual physical adolescent life, thanks.